Good morning! I am in a sort of tizzy of emotions today. Michael is at his maternal grandmother's and it made things easier for me to do what I am about to type that I did. I had "the talk" with Tony this morning and I told him it was over.
It hurt to do it then and it hurts to even think about the fact that I did it. It took him by suprise as he said he thought everything was alright. I feel just terrible as I saw the 1. Disbelief (he didn't see it coming) 2. Confusion and 3. Hurt in him. We were supposedly back on track and things were working out for the best, but I just couldn't do it. It was hard and I could tell that the stress of making it work was beginning to effect my health. I made sure to have a wonderful LAST night with him and we did, but inside I knew that it had to be the last night. I am hurt because 1. I feel like someone has just died and I killed them (I guess someone has - the couple that we made), 2 I hate hurting others (I would rather just endure most times than to hurt someone) and 3. My life with Michael has to change if not forever at least for a little while so that I can make this happen. Whew - what will today and the days hereafter bring?
3 months ago