Sunday, October 19, 2014

Would It Be Easier If My Disease Was Called Something Else!

          I am a little perturbed at the fact that when I say I have Multiple Sclerosis amongst people who actually know what it is that I am looked at like I just said I have a simple cold. It seems to me that people don't take MS seriously. I know that they don't know what it is like living with this dreaded disease day in and day out, but my goodness.
I won't just go take a nap, wake up and it will all be over. This is a serious and chronic illness. I can't take my shot and then jump up and carry on as normal. It's not that easy although, I wish it were. I need a t-shirt in which it lists all 11 medications that I take every day just to be able to make it through most days, it needs to have my latest MRI images on it that show the multiple lesions on my brain and I need the doctor note in which the doctor prescribed a dose of do whatever you want to do to be happy because this disease will destroy your happiness at times. Ok. I'm better now!

         So do you think the reason people don't take MS seriously could be in the name? What if it were called Multiple Brain Sclerosis!!! That would do it I think. It sounds scarier anyway.

Image via Pinterest via Yvonne Doggett via

Saturday, October 4, 2014

What is Exhaustion????

    I was speaking to someone about how I am really doing. I summed all of my troubles up with one word. That word was EXHAUSTED. I hadn't done any major feat or even a minor feat really. I'd awakened, brushed my teeth, showered and gotten dressed. If I had my choice in the matter, my day would have ended with getting dressed. At that point I was already exhausted. An old friend called and we small talked for a few minutes and she asked me to honestly tell her how I was. That's when you know you are communicating with a true friend. When she/he is able to tell that the first answer you gave was not the truth of the matter. I laughed and began to tell her all about how exhausted I am all day and every day. I told her about how sleeping more does not help it at all and sometimes seems to make it worse. We talked about how sometimes it seems to be so bad that the fatigue seems like it is in some way making my bones hurt. It's not your ordinary every body gets tired fatigue, it's fatigue times 100. It's angry with me fatigue. It's I'm not letting you go ever fatigue. It's an intense fatigue. It often makes me want to cry when I think about the things I want to be able to do, but can't because I don't have the energy. It makes me miss the life I formerly knew. It's hard. If you look at any definition of Multiple Sclerosis, fatigue is almost a given when reading about the symptoms. It is the worst of my problems and I do look for ways to deal with better.

     I spoke with my neurologist about how hard it was to move past this incredible fatigue. He prescribed the medication Amantadine. It's help me stay awake. I find myself lying in bed more now although. I am awake, I feel the fatigue, but I can't shake the feeling of still being tired to my bones. I am only more alert of the heaviness now. I shouldn't complain I guess because at least I'm able to be in bed and not fall asleep while under this medication. I have started to eat better and because of that I'm hoping to see an incline in more energy level. I'm eating more fruits and vegetables, less fruit and less fried foods. I popped in my MS Yoga DVD the other day and tried to do a few of the seated exercises. I became frustrated with that and turned the tv off. I'm trying to defeat this fatigue, but right now I must honestly say it has me defeated. I'm not dead and because of that I will keep trying. It has to get better!!! That's my philosophy on all of this and I'm holding fast to the arrival of that better day!!!

Image: Pinterest via Lisa Lu

Monday, September 29, 2014

She lives!!!

I am back. It's been a while I know and for that I do apologize. There have been some things going on that have kept me from the my computer.
I have been going through it dealing with anxiety and depression along with a relapse. Thank God I am here. I never would have thought my mind could cause so many problems. I have always thought of myself as pretty stable in all ways - mental, physical and emotional. Not so.... Multiple Sclerosis causes some depression and I think the anxiety was brought on by my fear of being inadequate. I know what the Lord says about fear and I know I shouldn't have fear in my heart. Please help me tell my brain about it. I am better now. I am thankful for that. I have always had a very strong faith and I trusted God through this all. I thank Him so much for this and for everything!!!