Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Don't know how to call it!!!

I am here. I am just not conscious of it it seems. My daddy is not doing very well. I know a lot of bad father stories, I guess I may even know a couple of bad fathers, but I am blessed to say that my daddy has been a great father since the time I was born. I was a premature baby and I am reminded of stories from my youth of how he would go to work at midnight, work all night and stop by the hospital to see every day. His health has been failing over the last few months and each time we see positive results, something negative follows right behind it. This time it is pretty bad and the doctors are suggesting that we have hospice come in. Which means they would stop feeding him and just "keep him comfortable." I don't like the stop feeding him part because it reminds me too much of perishing a person to death. Our mother has been under hospice care four times in the past and each time she makes an astonishing recovery. I have faith that my father may do it, but the doctors keep pushing the quality of his life and what he has endured and what they look forward to him enduring. I don't want him to suffer. I don't know what to do at this point and that's why I am leaning on the Lord. He is my source of strength and wisdom right now.

I must say that while enduring all of this, I kind of forgot that I have MS. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

One of Those Days

I don't know if it is me or if everyone around me is going through some kind of PMS or if they had a cranky pill this morning or what. I know as women we have our moments, but here at work today I am having to stop and pause, regain my composure and keep moving. One coworker has shown me a side of her over the past couple of years that makes me want to really just not even talk to her. Some days with her are better than the others so I deal with her accordingly. Another one is of the menopause age and although she is on hormone medication has her days too. It is really bad today with everyone it seems which makes me question whether it is me. I don't claim to be perfect, but wow!  I am a very calm, mild mannered person so when this happens it takes me aback. It seems since my MS diagnosis, I am not able to handle things of this sort as well as I used to. I don't know if it has nothing to do with the MS or just that I have gotten older and have no time for the nonsense, but whatever it is it is really taking the God in me to sit down and remember to love everybody.

Monday, October 11, 2010

Did I Make This Up?

I know it can not be so and I know that this post won't give me a whole lot of answers, but I am just wondering about a little theory I have. I think weather changes has a role in my day to day health with MS. On days when the temperature changes more than five or so degrees from the day before, my body reacts awkwardly. It's like I endure some sort of mini-relapse that lasts until my body gets used to the new temperatures (usually a couple of days) which is usually a couple of days. I wonder what that is about....hmmmm!!! My brother also has MS and he seems to agree. When we talk on the phone on certain days where there is a change in the weather, I can detect in his voice that he isn't feeling his best. Of course I bring up my theory and finally now he says there may be something to it. Do either of you with MS experience this?

Slowing down...finally!!!

Oh how I have wanted to write (type). I have just been super busy here lately. I haven't really had time to slow down and smell the roses. Things are finally slowing down to a point where I can see the light at the end of that tunnel. My dad is still about the same. My mom is doing pretty goood thankfully!!! My own health is simply a reflection of my life these days. Super busy means more fatigue and the like. I don't have a whole lot more to add right now.... I feel like saying bah humbug - not sure why, but it felt good:)! Have a good day - On purpose!!!

Friday, October 1, 2010

Tired, drained, pooped!!!

I have been running full speed ahead in my mind for so long here the last couple of weeks that now it has begun to show in my health. I knew I was doing a lot, but still - it had to be done. I have been working of course (full and part time jobs), trying to deal with school related stuff, my dad had four seizures consecutively while still yet healing from all the other major stuff he has had to endure, having things come up that not necessarily cause me to worry, but cause concern. Despite all of that, I know where my help comes from and because of that, I have kept most of my sanity. My body although is tired, my mind is not focusing as well as it usually does and to top it all off, I have the beginnings of a cold :(. 

I am okay though. It is because I know what these things mean that I will take this weekend as a do nothing weekend. I went to the grocery store on two occasions earlier this week so I don't have to go grocery shopping this weekend. I also do have to go to the social security administration building here in town to get a new social security card for myself today (which will probably take no less than a month to be seen and dealt with, but it's okay hopefully I will be able to read while there).

I'm tired and all I want to do is curl up in my bed and just be for a while. Not very long, just a little while. When my body speaks, I now listen!!!