Today is December 30, 2009. Just two more days to a new year. I am feeling better from the exacerbation I have been going through. It is funny because as soon as I think I am doing okay, then boom. I will be glad when I am doing better this time. I am thankful that I serve a forgiving God who wants me to be happy and healthy. This year has been filled with turmoil from health, to relationship stuff, to work stuff, to family stuff - you name it and it happened. I think this year made me stronger and I am happy about it. I guess it took me going through this to be so happy about the new year 2010 approaching. God is good and I am thankful for my family and few friends who have kept me sane during this year. I honestly thought things could not get any worse sometimes and they did. So I look to the hills from which cometh my help and embrace the possibilities of better times!
TODAY IS THE FIRST DAY OF THE REST OF MY LIFE. I HAVE ALWAYS WANTED TO SAY THIS, BUT NEVER REALLY HAD A REASON. I ADMIT TO MYSELF AND EVERYONE ELSE THAT I HAVE MULTIPLE SCLEROSIS. MY MOM HAS IT, MY BROTHER HAS IT AND I TOO HAVE IT. I SAY TODAY IS THE FIRST DAY OF MY LIFE BECAUSE I HONESTLY AM GOING TO ATTEMPT TO STOP BEING THE SUPER WOMAN THAT I HAVE CREATED IN MY MIND. I DON'T THINK THAT MY FAMILY AND FEW FRIENDS LOOK AT ME TO BE THAT SUPER WOMAN, BUT SHE IS SOMEONE WHO I HAVE CREATED. THE WORKING WOMAN WITH A GOOD JOB, TAKE CARE OF HER FAMILY AND HOME WOMAN THAT WON'T STOP FOR ANYTHING. I HAVE MULTIPLE SCLEROSIS AND IT HAS REALLY HIT ME THAT I HAVE IT. I HAVE HAD MY DIAGNOSIS FOR A WHILE NOW. I THINK I WAS IN DENIAL ABOUT HAVING IT AND I THOUGHT FOR SOME STRANGE REASON IT WASN'T IMPACT MY LIFE MUCH. I WOULDN'T LET IT STOP ME FROM MY DREAMS AND ASPIRATIONS. I WON'T SAY THAT IT HAS STOPPED ME AT THIS POINT, BUT I AM GOING TO TAKE SOME TIME TO EVALUATE THINGS. MY MIND DOESN'T WORK THE SAME AS IT USED TO AND THAT IS WHY I WON'T BE STARTING CLASS "AGAIN" IN THE FALL. I KNOW PEOPLE WITH CERTAIN DISABILITIES CAN DO ALL THINGS AND EVEN I BELIEVE THAT ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE FOR ME. I AM TIRED, MENTALLY AND PHYSICALLY. I HAVE TRIED FOR SO LONG TO BE EVERYTHING, TO DO EVERYTHING. NOW I SLOW IT DOWN A BIT AND IF THAT MEANS LOSING CERTIAN THINGS THEN SO BE IT. IF IT MEANS LOSING CERTAIN PEOPLE, THEN SO BE IT. I HAVE TO SLOW DOWN. I AM NOT THE PERSON I WAS WITHOUT MS. ONLY IF I COULD TELL THE STUDENT LOAN COPORATION ALL ABOUT IT. I PRAY TO BE ABLE TO CONTINUE TO WORK AS LONG AS POSSIBLE. I PRAY TO CONTINUE TO DRIVE AND TAKE CARE OF MY SOON TO BE 16 YEAR OLD SON. I PRAY FOR A LOT OF THINGS, AND I WILL DISCUSS THEM HERE. I HAVE APPOINTMENTS WITH MY NEUROLOGIST, PYSCHIATRIST AND FAMILY CARE DOCTOR AND I AM SURE SOME OF THAT WILL MAKE IT HERE TOO. MY SISTER-IN-LAW STACY, WILL BE THE FIRST TO READ MY BLOG. SHE MAY BE THE ONLY ONE WHO DOES, LOL! I AM WRITING IN ALL CAPS BECAUSE I READ THAT IT IS EASIER FOR OTHERS WITH MS TO SEE WHEN THINGS ARE IN ALL CAPS. I HOPE THIS ISN'T A PROMBLEM FOR OTHERS. I USED TO BE SO CONCERNED WITH TYPOS AND WHAT NOT, SO I HOPE THAT THERE AREN'T A LOT HERE, BUT IF THERE ARE FORGIVE ME! I DON'T KNOW IF THIS IS MAKING SENSE, BUT A LOT OF MY LIFE LATELY HASN'T MADE SENSE. I HAVE MS!!!