Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Learning Experience

I am back at work after a long weekend. I did get to rest a good bit. With temperatures in the high 90s I stayed inside for much of the weekend. Yesterday my husband and mother-in-law wanted to cook-out at our place. I didn't do much as I really wasn't feeling up to it. I still am suffering from the heavy weight of this fatigue, my speech is slurred and at times I catch myself drooling! I didn't want company and especially a cook-out. I wanted some comfortable lounge pants, an old t-shirt, good book and a cold drink all weekend long. I am ever so greatful for the contributions of our military women and men from years past all the way up to the ones right now and the ones in the future even. I didn't feel very well this weekend and had it not been for that I would have had my entire family out doing something at Ft. Jackson in honor of them. I just felt bad. I did agree on Saturday that "they"could do the cook-out if they so desired. Well, they did it all. I just sat on the couch (with my book) and watched and waited. My husband did a swell job and when it was getting late and I needed to get in bed for work today, he told everybody kindly that was sorry that we had work tomorrow and that they could get them a to go plate and they slowly started leaving. It went well. I was proud of him and my mother-in-law for respecting my being under the weather and taking care of everything. In the midst of all the anxiety I had about having people over and not really feeling like myself, I saw that things could go well even if I wasn't the one doing everything! Perhaps I can relinquish more things!

Friday, May 27, 2011


I am worn out. I am at work and can't focus on the day at hand simply because I am severley tired, chronically fatigued, plain old pooped out. I got out of bed after ten hours of sleep completely drained and tired this morning. Yesterday I was the same way after eight hours of sleep.Yesterday wasn't any better, but for some magical reason I presumed that getting some rest would be the fix I needed. It didn't work!!!  I contemplated making a doctor's appt., but thought about my doctor telling me just a couple of weeks ago how excited she was to be going on vacation at the end of the month. I don't want to see another doctor and I figure what can they do anyway, but tell me to deal with it. At last check I typed 113 words per minute. Now it seems I would be doing good to be typing 30 words per minute.  The fatigue feels like someone has weights tied or tyed hmmm (you see what I mean brain functioning impaired) to my legs and arms. I am simply tired. This is what MS fatigues is. I have labeled other times when I was pooped out  as MS fatigue, but this by far is the worse that it has ever been. I would even jump for joy at those times right now in comparison to how I feel right now. I am not complaining, but just suprised that it could be this bad. In all honesty, I want to walk out the door of this building and cuddle up in the back of my car until I have more energy no matter how long it takes. Considering we've been having high 90 degree weather and my back seat is full of clothes to give Goodwill this afternoon, I'd probably better change that thought. Something has to give y'all. I just don't know what!!! To tired to think of what!

Thursday, May 5, 2011


In just under a month a whole lot has happened. We've endured losing an aunt and an uncle. My aunt was on my mother's side and my uncle was on my father's side. Both funerals brought me around some family members I hadn't seen in years. I even was able to meet some new family members that I didn't even know existed as some of my cousins had children that I didn't even know about. Although the loss of both my uncle and aunt were hard, I took the time to really sit back and breathe family. It seems as if every time I go home to my hometown, I never get to enjoy the moment. I am always running from here to there. When my uncle died, I was only able to spend a little time with my family on my dad's side and I think that was by choice because I was grieving the loss of my uncle, but also the loss of my uncle's brother (my dad). His death brought back so many memories. I didn't want to stick around for that very much. I went to the funeral, spoke to a few friends and sped back to the city which allowed me to hide in the midst of it all.

My aunt's passing gave me an opportunity for something oh so different. It allowed me to wrap my arms around loved ones, laugh about old memories and be present amongst them. I even ate dinner with two of my favorite aunts. My aunt Olitha provided some of the best hash and white bread (I hadn't had homemade hash in a couple of years) and my aunt Gwen cooked a feast in a little under two hours which included dressing, macaroni pie and a host of other southern cooked wonders. Food is one expression of my joy!

My health has sustained me for the last month. I must admit that when I came back this week from my long weekend with family, I was a little drained. I was on the go and good bit. My aunt's funeral was Tuesday and we came back home on Monday night. I woke up on Tuesday morning, went to the bathroom to wash my face and start my typical morning routine and decided against going to work. I was truly tired. I slept for most of the day on Tuesday and am back at work raring to go. I have started the partial seizures again. I am just taking the Trileptal that the doctor told me to come down off of earlier in the year. The medicine works wonders as it seems to have stopped the seizures. I am just exhausted after they leave. I am truly thankful that they aren't more severe. I am in a good place mentally! I am thankful. I am still a little tired and still have a lot to do, but what gets done gets done and what doesn't doesn't. Hope everyone who reads this has a great day as well as those who don't!!!