Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Watch What You Say To Me!

The words of others make an incredible impact on one's life. I’ve always heard how we should be mindful about the things we speak over ourselves because there is power in our words. I’ve read scripture in the Bible about it even. I try to be very mindful of such. However, when others say things, we have no control over them. Just the other day a coworker of mines spoke some words to me and I am still yet, a couple of days later impacted by them.

It was Monday and I was having a good day. I resolved to look at Mondays as the blessing that they are some time ago as opposed to “Dreadful Monday.” I had a bounce in my step (even though it was a little too far off to the right – balance issues). I was going through my day in a wonderful way. I passed by her office and she and I started a conversation. She mentioned the fact that I could be having more relapses here lately because I was trying to do too much. I mentioned the fact that if I started doing less, I would begin to feel ill more often according to past times. I think part of the reason that I am able to still do as much as I do in spite of MS is because I WANT to do it. I think sometimes there is a mental component to any diagnosis. Her comment caused a whirlwind of thoughts to flood my mind and they still do. It made me question what I it exactly that I am actually doing. Am I making a great effort at being great or am I making a bad attempt to make things look as if they are okay when they are in fact not so okay? Should I be home in bed or at least relaxing and not worrying about the day to day stress of trying to do my job in order to make my life easier? Could my health be in a better condition if I stayed home and lived off of social security disability benefits? These are all questions that flood my mind right now. All of it started with a few well intentioned (I hope) words of a coworker. She said them and probably had forgotten them just as soon as she said them, but they stick with me still yet – even today. I just wish we could censor what others put out. I know I have the personal choice of how I let what others say impact but, but just to be able to require others to think about even simple statements they make would be awesome.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

MS Did It!!!

I recently found myself explaining a mistake I made by using my Multiple Sclerosis (MS) diagnosis as the blame. I think it is easier to blame things on MS than to just deal with any other causes. I mean I forgot because I have all of these lesions on my brain some of which are active right now as we speak makes me feel so much better. I never wanted to become the person that justified things because of something else. I get disappointed at times when others do it and yet here I was doing it. I forgot to get my paperwork from your office, just because I have a million other things on my mind would have been more of a true statement than for me to blame it on MS which may or may not be the actual cause. I came home and went straight to bed because I wanted to as opposed to I do have MS and some days just don’t have any energy left may not go over as well with my family. I ordered take-out for dinner because I didn’t want to dirty up my kitchen tonight does not sound as nice as I think I am having a flare up. Now I honestly don’t fake MS symptoms and if it truly feels like I am in a flare I will let my family and friends know it. I just didn’t want to be that person that told all that she is enduring to others as an explanation of my shortcomings. I am glad that most of those around me know a good bit about MS and the fact that it sometimes does cause things to go awry. So from now on I am making a conscious effort to not blame it on MS!