Holidays 2010

I said before I even started to type that this would not be an entry in which I complained. I am thankful to be alive and healthy enough to still be functioning. Christmas 2010 was pretty good. I didn't get the chance to go home to see my mom because I am dead smack in what I hope is the end or at least the middle of a relapse. I am having problems with the left side of my face. I guess that makes sense because the lesions on my brain from MS are in the right temporal lobe region. I am well so I am ok. I just wish that these relapses would be nonexistant. I guess I could increase the chances of them being so by taking my Betaseron shot as I am supposed to and not when I feel like I need to. I simply hate that they make me feel, act and just plain make me dumb. I have asked others whether or not their MS drug of choice "dumbs them down" and a couple of people have agreed. I thank God for the wisdom he has given me. I hate being a complete idiot in regards to something that I know a great deal about just because I am preventing a relapse. Call me crazy or whatever you want to, it just doesn't make me feel very good. I look forward to the New Year. I don't think I am going to make any grand New Year's Resolutions. I may, but I may not. Thankfully, I don't have any school work as we have three weeks off before the new semester starts. Considering that I am at work and the fact that I left some of my brain at home still in bed this morning I will end here. I just wish I was a millionaire sometimes and work wouldn't be as important to me nor would the fear of waiting for social security to tell me whether or not I am going to be able to pay my bills and continue to live without having to go on government assistance as I await a determination of whether they feel I am eligible to not work anymore.

HERE I AM!

TODAY IS THE FIRST DAY OF THE REST OF MY LIFE. I HAVE ALWAYS WANTED TO SAY THIS, BUT NEVER REALLY HAD A REASON. I ADMIT TO MYSELF AND EVERYONE ELSE THAT I HAVE MULTIPLE SCLEROSIS. MY MOM HAS IT, MY BROTHER HAS IT AND I TOO HAVE IT. I SAY TODAY IS THE FIRST DAY OF MY LIFE BECAUSE I HONESTLY AM GOING TO ATTEMPT TO STOP BEING THE SUPER WOMAN THAT I HAVE CREATED IN MY MIND. I DON'T THINK THAT MY FAMILY AND FEW FRIENDS LOOK AT ME TO BE THAT SUPER WOMAN, BUT SHE IS SOMEONE WHO I HAVE CREATED. THE WORKING WOMAN WITH A GOOD JOB, TAKE CARE OF HER FAMILY AND HOME WOMAN THAT WON'T STOP FOR ANYTHING. I HAVE MULTIPLE SCLEROSIS AND IT HAS REALLY HIT ME THAT I HAVE IT. I HAVE HAD MY DIAGNOSIS FOR A WHILE NOW. I THINK I WAS IN DENIAL ABOUT HAVING IT AND I THOUGHT FOR SOME STRANGE REASON IT WASN'T IMPACT MY LIFE MUCH. I WOULDN'T LET IT STOP ME FROM MY DREAMS AND ASPIRATIONS. I WON'T SAY THAT IT HAS STOPPED ME AT THIS POINT, BUT I AM GOING TO TAKE SOME TIME TO EVALUATE THINGS. MY MIND DOESN'T WORK THE SAME AS IT USED TO AND THAT IS WHY I WON'T BE STARTING CLASS "AGAIN" IN THE FALL. I KNOW PEOPLE WITH CERTAIN DISABILITIES CAN DO ALL THINGS AND EVEN I BELIEVE THAT ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE FOR ME. I AM TIRED, MENTALLY AND PHYSICALLY. I HAVE TRIED FOR SO LONG TO BE EVERYTHING, TO DO EVERYTHING. NOW I SLOW IT DOWN A BIT AND IF THAT MEANS LOSING CERTIAN THINGS THEN SO BE IT. IF IT MEANS LOSING CERTAIN PEOPLE, THEN SO BE IT. I HAVE TO SLOW DOWN. I AM NOT THE PERSON I WAS WITHOUT MS. ONLY IF I COULD TELL THE STUDENT LOAN COPORATION ALL ABOUT IT. I PRAY TO BE ABLE TO CONTINUE TO WORK AS LONG AS POSSIBLE. I PRAY TO CONTINUE TO DRIVE AND TAKE CARE OF MY SOON TO BE 16 YEAR OLD SON. I PRAY FOR A LOT OF THINGS, AND I WILL DISCUSS THEM HERE. I HAVE APPOINTMENTS WITH MY NEUROLOGIST, PYSCHIATRIST AND FAMILY CARE DOCTOR AND I AM SURE SOME OF THAT WILL MAKE IT HERE TOO. MY SISTER-IN-LAW STACY, WILL BE THE FIRST TO READ MY BLOG. SHE MAY BE THE ONLY ONE WHO DOES, LOL! I AM WRITING IN ALL CAPS BECAUSE I READ THAT IT IS EASIER FOR OTHERS WITH MS TO SEE WHEN THINGS ARE IN ALL CAPS. I HOPE THIS ISN'T A PROMBLEM FOR OTHERS. I USED TO BE SO CONCERNED WITH TYPOS AND WHAT NOT, SO I HOPE THAT THERE AREN'T A LOT HERE, BUT IF THERE ARE FORGIVE ME! I DON'T KNOW IF THIS IS MAKING SENSE, BUT A LOT OF MY LIFE LATELY HASN'T MADE SENSE. I HAVE MS!!!