Humbling Moments!!!

Over the past couple of weeks, there have been things that have popped up in my life that have made me oh so much more aware of how blessed I am. I sometimes get downtrodden when I think of my life and my losses. I miss my father so much. I used to be able to pick up the phone and call him. Just hearing his voice was enough to soothe my soul it seemed. The holidays are almost her and how I wish I could invite my mom out to lunch/dinner, go to a spa to be pampered and how I wish I was able to simply listen to her talk to me for hours on in.  I worry about what my future holds with MS. The things that I can not do as well anymore seem to be steadily increasing. My idea of my successful career was supposed to be so better than it is now. I was supposed to be a pharmacist or something lucrative, but now it all boils down to simple administrative work.
     But then!!!, I stopped my pity party and started to think you know what - you have a living mother whom you can spend time and talk to anytime you want, you were able to create wonderful memories with your father and he's not suffering anymore, you have life alone and you have a job. My life is no where near perfect nor is it what I planned for myself, but it is what the Lord had planned for me. Everything that I've experienced and gone through has been a building block to the wonderful me that I am. I am humbled because of the way these simple things are in my life right now at this exact monent! Thank You Lord!

It's Fine!

I know you're going to think I'm a bit loony, but this past weekend I came to a huge revelation. All day Saturday I really buckled down and got done things that needed to and a few that didn't. I was proud of myself. I even got up early and went to the YMCA where I had a good workout for my normal. On Sunday I was ready to start part 2 of the big to do about everything around the house. Well, guess what! I realized, it didn't really matter!!! That was huge. Overall our home was clean and peaceful, food was cooked and all was fine.I realized that what hadn't been done would either be there when I got back to it or some of my other family members would take care of it. So on Sunday, I jumped in bed and watched old DVRed recordings. When I was done with that, I went to Netflix and I capped my day off by reading some Deepak Chopra!!! I don't think I've ever had as relaxing a Sunday as I did yesterday. As I got ready for work this morning, I realized that all was fine!!!

Whirlwinds!!!

 It's my favorite time of year, but I've yet the opportunity to sit outside, drink a cup of coffee and take in all the beauty. I haven't even had time to go home and see my mom and brother and really get to take a break from my fast lane life. I love to read, but I think in the last month, I've only completed one book and it was short. I have some organizing that has been a goal of mine for months now that is still unorganized. I just can't seem to get things done.

What is it exactly that I've been doing to occupy my time so? A whole lot of absolute nothing. It's like I lose hours doing that very well. When time elaspes and I look at the clock, I am bewildered. I just can not believe I spent three hours just sitting. I wasn't deep in meditation or thinking any kind of grand thoughts. I just was sort of out of it. I most often find myself like that when I get home from work. I make it in the house around 5:15. The next thing I know it's 7 or 8! I must admit in that time of being lost, I manage to pop out a meal, straighten up a little or some over simple task, but I used to get so much more important to me stuff done. Now there's no other way to put it, I'm just lost! I guess I describe the being lost feeling as simply not aware of things. It's like I'm in an area of thoughtlessness (is that a word?). I know routines will sometimes get a person out of sync, but it is not like that. It's hard to explain.

I just look forward to getting out of this area. I have started writing down a list of daily goals that I want to accoumplish to help me do that. I also have ended my relationship with Directv as I've found tv to suck up time too.We'll see how it goes for a couple of weeks and if I will be able to relinquish my dvr. We'll see!!!

Just Say No - To stress

I've always been the type to see good in all people. My husband tells me of how he wishes I didn't see the good always - how he wishes I could just get and stay mad at a person. I think we all, despite how bad  we may or may not be, have good in us.

This way of thinking helps me in all of my relationships I think. My husband has won many arguments just because I had no desire to argue nor a desire to win them. Others have called themselves victorious also. I learned years ago, even before my diagnosis, about what stress can do to a person with MS. I can't control many things, but I can control what stresses me.

I do get upset and bothered at times. Those are the times I draw closer to God. I think of the oh so many times he could have gotten angry at me, washed his hands with me. and just thrown me away. If he can do it, then so can I. The next time you see troubled - Just Say No!!!

She lives!

       Good morning everyone! I am alive and doing well. There's been a whole lot going on in the last few months. I said I'd better get back to blogging in search of some much needed sanity. It provided such a great relief for me. How could I be gone so long. It was sometime in April that I last posted anything? Anyway, I am back now. I've had some ups and downs with my health over the last few months. I'm up now and thankful to God for that. I'm still working. My family welcomed the addition of a sweet little girl who's guardian died of cancer. We've endured losing her to her biological mom who is a crack addict and only looking to receive the benefit from Social Security that the little girl was receiving. DSS is working to get her back to our home. This process has definitely taught me something about time. I used to complain about not having enough time. I learned that we make time for things that are important to us. That revelation has enabled me to look at things differently. I'm glad to be back and sorry for the long delay.

Wow! This is supposed to be slow paced?

That was my question as I left my first workout class on Monday. I decided it was time for me to pump up my workout at the YMCA. I decided I was going to start going to classes. Ummm - Not a very good idea at all. I decided on a class called "Body Sculpt." I got to class about 15 minutes early so that I could speak to the trainer and see if in fact that class would be okay for me. Well, someone else had the same idea about getting their early for questions as I did and she was actually earlier than me. Well, I spoke with the assistant trainer. I could tell that he didn't even know what MS was, but looked at my physical body and said sure you can handle it. He said it was a beginner class and I would do just fine. Thirty minutes into the class I decided to walk out. It was just too much for me and I am actually still paying for it today. Lesson learned - Grab a seat, sit down and watch the class before I decide to join in. Total catastrophe Monday. It even dampened my spirits a little not to be able to get through a beginner's class, but oh well! I'm checking the calendar and see that they have a yoga class. Perhaps that will be more my speed!!!

This darn MS!!!

I thought I was doing well for a spell. I felt good, I was doing things that made me happy. I was just living my life to the fullest. BAM!!! That was MS. I suffered a relapse and was knocked back down. I actually was a little depressed by this last one because it seemed to come from no where.

I started the steroid treatment. I took time off from work. My plan this year was to not use any time until June. I wanted to have all my vacation and sick days so that I could use them when needed. That went out of the window. I felt bad!  I usually work right on through a relapse, but this time realized that my body needed rest and if I wanted to get better, I'd better listen to it. I did! I took a total of 3.5 days off and really rested. Although I am not back at 100%, I am back. I needed that time. I haven't been to the YMCA now for two weeks and although I miss it, I just don't feel like adding insult to injury right now. I'll get back there. I don't eat properly sometimes so the physical fitness has to be there. I have some MS yoga dvds that I have been waiting to try out. I keep telling myself now is a good time.

This relapse brought about the partial seizures and exhaustion. The seizures are better and the exhaustion is about 60% better. I pray that in time, I'll be back to normal. This relapse has taught me something. MS is not predictable. I just need to know that. I think all before now even with my mom and brother having it, I was of the mindset that as long as you take it easy, you'll be ok. I was taking it easy. Even though I'd started a new fitness regimen it was not like it was bootcamp type workouts. I was doing simple stuff. Some of my friends were like I needed to stop going to the YMCA, but I couldn't get them to understand that my workout was very simple. I think the relapse would have come on with or without the workout. My doctor seemed to think so also, but who knows.

I am still going to continue to do things - just in moderation. I plan to attend a women's conference at my church at the end of the month. Thursday night of this week I am going out to dinner with a group of women. This is a first for me because I normally fly solo. We'll see how that goes. Well until next time have a good week and be blessed. I plan too myself!

Accomplished!!!

I did it people!!! I joined the YMCA!!! I am so enthusiastic about what this means for me. Everyone who knows me knows that I am an all or nothing type person. I don't like to do anything a little or less than. I think since I have joined and made the first appearance (this morning), I am going to take an all or nothing approach here for a while until I can make a habit out of it. It was terribly hard getting out of bed this morning, but I did it. I liked it. When I first got there I went to the wide open area where the pros were. Not a good idea at all. I felt like a failure amongst them so I went to this little small isolated area with only about seven or eight pieces of equipment in it. I was the only one there. I was a little unsteady on my feet as I am always am thanks to our good friend MS. However, I didn't allow that to be a stumbling block for me today. I held on tighter and kept on moving. I finished all seven pieces of equipment in that area and even went to the weights area for a little while. What was so good for me was the fact that I saw people of all shapes and sizes coming through the door. There were several business people who came there dressed to work out and left dressed in their business attire. I loved it. I didn't plan on showering there and leaving as I wasn't planning on working up a sweat, but boy did I ever. It was my first day there, but everyone made it feel as if it was my 101st. I truly enjoyed it and can't wait to get back. I am even thinking of going back after work. I only worked out for about 25 minutes this morning. If I go back, I think I could do another 25 minutes or even make it a total of an hour for the entire day. We all know how MS works when we are moving, so perhaps going twice a day for 30 minutes each time will be a way to trick it! Wish me luck!!!

This Cold!!!

I have a head cold. It started late Sunday evening. I went to bed totally fine except for a few sniffles and woke up as if a Mack truck had hit me. I still made it to work and worked my full eight hours. The same thing this morning. It's as if I stood in front of that same Mack truck in the wee hours of the morning and waved it to come on and hit me. It's amazing to me how I used to be able to do almost anything through a simple head cold. I mean what was a little congestion! Now I realize the cog fog worsens whenever I am being attacked by a cold and also that my entire body seems weaker. I try to stay away from colds and any kind of sickness really, but it never fails. It could be worse I guess. I could be coughing and feeling achy too while enduring a relapse so I am not complaining - just making an observation of how a simple cold turns things around for me now. Is it just me or do you feel the same way?

Sleep

I remember a time when I could go to bed at 2 a.m. and be awake by 5 a.m. I would go through the entire day full of energy and could and would oftentimes do the very same thing the next night. That is not the case anymore. I love sleep. If I go to sleep by 10 p.m., I find myself still struggling to get up at 6 a.m. I try to take a nap whenever I can also. There is something about the experience of shutting down or turning myself completely off, even if only for a few minutes. It always seems as if  I wake up rejuvenated and ready to tackle whatever may be ahead. I remember being in kindergarten and after lunch each day we were made to take a nap. I think that should still apply even in the workforce. I remember an old employer who would take a nap each day for about 30 minutes. He said it increased his productivity. Of course I thought, well why don't you allow your employees to do the same thing. Of course again I didn't say anything. A lot of the medication I have taken in the past and some that I take now have drowsiness as a side effect. I hear many people complain about it, but I take whatever I am supposed to and deal with the side effects. It took a minute to get here I must say.  There could be side effects that are much worse than drowsiness in my book. I remember being a little girl and my mom crying one night because her Tizanidine made her sleepy and she didn't want to go to sleep as she had done many times previously. She tried to fight it, but found herself nodding off. This is what caused her the tears. She wanted to spend time with the rest of us, but just couldn't stay up. Of  course, she eventually had her doctor put her on something else. For me, my family knows already that when it's time to take certain medication, it won't be long before I make the trip down the hall. I love sleep and be it medically or naturally induced, bring it on. I went out and some time ago and made purchases to make my bedroom and place of enjoyment for me. I got new pillows, a couple of really nice comforter sets (with the nice sheets) some aromatherapy and nice curtains. When I enter my bedroom now no matter how hard I try sleep is unavoidable, but I love it and wouldn't have it any other way. I wish I could take a nap right now!!!

What's My Motivation

 Good morning! I have added a daily calendar reminder to blog for a few minutes each morning. I also have added a reminder to go walking for 30 minutes and to spend time praying each morning. I have long ago started the reminders and every single day I find myself dismissing them to never be accomplished. It is so hard to find time to do those type things, but it is so not hard to get caught up in "The King of Queens" or "The Voice" on television. I always seem to feel a bit better after I blog and after I walk. You would think I would do more of both. Where are my priorities, right? I am making it a priority starting tomorrow morning to get up a little earlier to do those things. It is not cold for January here so you would think I would be really enjoying the outdoors. I need your some so please hold me accountable! Ask me how it's going! I also have been meaning to join my local YMCA. It is only minutes away from my job. I could easily work and then get off and go workout for at least 30 minutes. Right? Right? Ok so I am going to get up early enough tomorrow morning to write, walk and spend time with God and then make it to the YMCA to joing. That's the plan. I'll let you know how it goes!!!

I'm Back

Good morning! I am back. I have been away for some while now. It was not intentional at all. It seems that I have been busy, but ask me what it has been that kept me so busy and I wouldn't be able to offer you an answer. I am doing pretty well healthwise. I am taking the daily injection of Copaxone and functioning pretty well. I do some days forget to take it. You would think with something being such a huge part of my life, I could never forget it. Some days are just jammed packed for me. I stopped school yet another time to just regain some focus in a couple of areas - mainly career. Thankfully I have regained it and will be signing up for classes again soon. I feel good and am in a good place in the areas of spirituality, home and career. I am working on me - being a better version of me. In doing so I have decided that health and well-being is important. God is so good to me. He has been for my entire life! I need to be more and do more. I can be more and do more. It's funny how it doesn't even take much to make a difference in someone else's life yet for so long the only lives that I made a difference in was mines and those close to me intentionally.  Finances and savings are also important to me now more than ever. I have a lot on my mind as you can read. I am back!