Living

The last few days have been filled with things that cause me to pause a little. That is why I haven't even really been on the internet.. I have a lot to catch on in reading as well. My son's aunt (he is technically my stepson so his mom's sister) passed and I have been really dealing with all that pertains to that. He lost his mom when he was seven. She died in the same way as his mom, in her sleep. It is a heartaching situation period, but even more because of the pain I know he felt when his mom passed being reignited in a way that had not been done since her death. I know he hurts from the loss of his mother and it hurts my heart simply to know what more he must be going through now. I have also been dealing with the doctors at the hospital "harrassing" me again about my dad's health. It seems where he has been on the iv feedings for so long, it has wreaked havoc on his liver. I know a good God. Any time I ask my dad if he has more fight, he lets me know in subtle ways that he does and because of that I can't authorize the hospital to change his status. I just can't do it. It feels like they want me to committ murder. I know my dad has a troublesome road ahead, but he is a fighter. I just can't give up if he doesn't want me too. Simple and plain. He has been in the hospital for a very long time. I just wish they understood better where I am coming from. My birthday was yesterday and it was a rather stressful period that all stems from my inability to say no to certain things. I am a nurturer and helper by nature. If there is a need, I try to help in one way or the other. I am better at saying no to frivolous things and requests now than I used to be and am saying no on a more frequent, consistent basis. I feel bad about it at first, but do have to learn to take care of myself. MS is a serious illness and although I feel okay, I know what all can happen in the event that I don't do like I should. I must say with the events of this week, I haven't been doing what I know to do, but am praying for strength to make it through all that's going on and remind myself to simply breathe here and there. It will work out I know, thankfully!