Tuesday, September 17, 2013


Over the past few days and weeks, I've heard the word chronic like never before. I knew I had a chronic illness, but it never resonated with me as it has with me here lately. I know that as of today there's no cure for Multiple Sclerosis. I'm aware that there is a great chance that I will be crippled by this disease. As I stumble to the coffee pot for coffee this morning, I worried about whether or not I'll be walking for much longer. I think of the word chronic. Just last week, while at the doctor's office, the doctor broke it down for me. "Tammy I hate to say this, but you have a "chronic" condition that does not appear to be getting better and based on the course of this disease will not get better. That's a reality that you have to get used to." I'll never forget those words. She pushes me to apply for SSD. As much as I love God and as much trust I have in him, I must admit that I'm afraid to, This chronic illness has increased my anxiety so much so that I am questioning God's ability to be with me through everything. That's so not normal for me. Lead me, guide me dear Lord!!!

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