Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Sometimes when you don't have all the answers and you don't know what to do. You just do because you have no other choice. A while back I left my home and I started out anew on my own without the loves of my life (my husband and son (technically stepson)). I got me an apartment on the other side of town, told no one about it and started living my life stress-free. Well, fast forward to now and I think they are about to come live with me, lol. Life is truly something. I mean, of course I care about the both of them and of course my stress level has been down. I mean in a world alone, who would have stress right? I mean my parents are still a big concern of mines, but they don't directly impose stress in my life. I have spent a couple of days with my husband at my place and things haven't been so bad. I mean we laugh, we talk, we even cooked together. I know there will be an influx of dirty laundry, more dishes to wash, more groceries to shop for, but I don't seem to mind that. I actually spend about the same amount of time in the grocery store as I did when we were one big happy family. I think that's attributed to my love of food (especially ice cream). I actually thrive on that kind of stuff. The thing that I couldn't put up with is the childish behavior of my husband, the drinking and "thugging." He declares that he understands now and has made the change.Because our vows are sacred to me and the fact that I know he loves me without any doubt in my mind, I can only believe he is telling the truth. I declare that if he isn't I might make the national news, but time will tell I suppose. We have built a life together over the last 12 years and I am at my breaking point I think. I think Michael going into the hospital has had a lot to do with it too. Time will only tell with me I must forewarn because by the end of the day I may have the mindset of "Ummmm no they are not coming to my serene space to kill the peacefulness there..." Is that selfish? yes, do I know it? yes, Will it make a difference? Who knows!


  1. Tammy, Tammy, Tammy.Listen to yourself!
    "The thing I couldn't put up with is the childish behavior of my husband, the drinking and "thugging."

    Lord, woman. Before you let him fully back into your life, make him put his money where his mouth is. Drinkers are adept liars! He will tell you anything (and all he right things) to have his meals prepared for him, and his laundry washed, and a woman to sleep with at night.

    I know you have been under a lot of stress lately, and are perhaps a little lonely - but Please, give this some serious thought. And why is he moving in with YOU, as opposed to you moving back in with HIM? What are you going to do when you need your serene place to go to?

    Red flags are flying all around you my dear. I will keep you in my thoughts.

  2. Thank you so much!!! They came back last night and I honestly don't know what to do, think or even want. I know that my love remains the same for them. I am praying for guidance and for God's will to be done as I just don't know what I want to do right now.

  3. When you don't know what you want to do, hen do nothing. By that, I mean the nothing BEFORE you let him back into the house.

    Having done that, you need to have a talk with him. Set some rules. Rules about the behaviors that prompted you to leave him in the first place. If you are paying the rent, it would be considered YOUR house. Right? You are able to do that if you need to, am I correct? God does not want to to be taken advantage of. He wants you to be shown love and respect.

    Once the rules are laid out, then ONE transgression is ALL it would take to Kick his sorry ass back to his Mom's. She raised htm to be the man he is.

    Can you tell that I don't abide abuse of any kind? By the way, my husband doesn't work either. So, I don't think that is the issue here. But my husband also doesn't drink or abuse drugs, or "thug around," and he tells me that he loves me every day. AND, he has a clinical depression. So I abide by my marriage vows and stay with him because I love him, too.

    But if he ever broke that trust between us in any way, I would get rid of him. Even though that would mean a major life change for me. I ask myself, would I be better off with him, or without him? And now, the answer, for me, is with him. Is that the same between the two of you? Only you can answer that. Just be true to yourself.

    Oh, and the numbness could be brought on by stress, or just by the MS itself. Or the heat, in which case it would probably get better once you cooled down. I'm just saying that MS is an unpredictable and crummy disease. Be sure to get your rest. Put yourself first. When the MS is acting up, allow yourself to be selfish. You're entitled to that. My best to you.