What is Exhaustion????

    I was speaking to someone about how I am really doing. I summed all of my troubles up with one word. That word was EXHAUSTED. I hadn't done any major feat or even a minor feat really. I'd awakened, brushed my teeth, showered and gotten dressed. If I had my choice in the matter, my day would have ended with getting dressed. At that point I was already exhausted. An old friend called and we small talked for a few minutes and she asked me to honestly tell her how I was. That's when you know you are communicating with a true friend. When she/he is able to tell that the first answer you gave was not the truth of the matter. I laughed and began to tell her all about how exhausted I am all day and every day. I told her about how sleeping more does not help it at all and sometimes seems to make it worse. We talked about how sometimes it seems to be so bad that the fatigue seems like it is in some way making my bones hurt. It's not your ordinary every body gets tired fatigue, it's fatigue times 100. It's angry with me fatigue. It's I'm not letting you go ever fatigue. It's an intense fatigue. It often makes me want to cry when I think about the things I want to be able to do, but can't because I don't have the energy. It makes me miss the life I formerly knew. It's hard. If you look at any definition of Multiple Sclerosis, fatigue is almost a given when reading about the symptoms. It is the worst of my problems and I do look for ways to deal with better.



   
     I spoke with my neurologist about how hard it was to move past this incredible fatigue. He prescribed the medication Amantadine. It's help me stay awake. I find myself lying in bed more now although. I am awake, I feel the fatigue, but I can't shake the feeling of still being tired to my bones. I am only more alert of the heaviness now. I shouldn't complain I guess because at least I'm able to be in bed and not fall asleep while under this medication. I have started to eat better and because of that I'm hoping to see an incline in more energy level. I'm eating more fruits and vegetables, less fruit and less fried foods. I popped in my MS Yoga DVD the other day and tried to do a few of the seated exercises. I became frustrated with that and turned the tv off. I'm trying to defeat this fatigue, but right now I must honestly say it has me defeated. I'm not dead and because of that I will keep trying. It has to get better!!! That's my philosophy on all of this and I'm holding fast to the arrival of that better day!!!

Image: Pinterest via Lisa Lu

I AM STILL HERE

IT IS MONDAY ONCE AGAIN. I HAVE DECIDED TO STOP DREADING MONDAY AS BAD AS I DO AND TO START APPRECIATING EACH NEW DAY. TODAY STARTED OFF KIND OF ROUGH FOR ME. FIRST, I HAD A HARD TIME GETTING OUT OF BED. I WENT TO BED FAIRLY EARLY AND I THINK THAT WAS THE PROBLEM. YOU KNOW HOW IT IS SAID YOU CAN GET TOO MUCH SLEEP. WELL, I THINK I DID. I WAS UP IN TIME TO MAKE IT TO WORK EXCEPTIONALLY EARLY, BUT WASN'T ABLE TO. I MADE IT LIKE 12 MINUTES EARLY, BUT THAT IS NOT WHAT I WAS GOING FOR. ONCE I GET TO WORK, THINGS THAT OTHERS DO STARTED TO FRUSTRATE ME. DURING MY LUNCH HOUR I GOT INTO AN ARGUMENT, RAN LATE COMING BACK AND AM JUST STILL WOE IS ME RIGHT NOW. GUESS WHAT THO? BECAUSE OF MY NEW OUTLOOK ON SIMPLY "BEING HERE," I WEAR A SMILE ON MY FACE. INTERESTED IN FINDING OUT WHAT THE NEXT MINUTE IS GOING TO BE LIKE. IT CAN'T BE ALL THAT BAD. I AM STILL HERE SO I KEEP ON KEEPING ON WITH A SMILE ON MY FACE AND A SKIP IN MY STEP. GOD IS TOO GOOD FOR ME TO BE STRESSED, MISERABLE AND UNHAPPY IN ANY WAY. I LOVE THE LORD AND HE LOVES ME. THAT IS ALL I NEED. HAVE A GREAT DAY!!! I WILL IF I HAVE TO FORCE MYSELF TO DO SO :)!

People Just Don't Understand

I am dealing with this dreadful MS fatigue again. It is Terrible. Yes, with a capital T. I just don't get how some of my closest people don't understand it. I tell you that I am dealing with MS fatigue and you respond with I am soooo tired myself. What? No, MS fatigue is not what you have. I have been tired too and would pay for that type of fatigue myself. I came in late this morning. I contemplated not coming in at all. Now, I was about 25 minutes late altogether. Not a big deal, especially when I am going to make it my business to stay over late today at 5. One of my coworkers in particular is short with me, but I am like shoot, no one told you to come in before the chickens rose this morning. I will have days like this so get over it. I get my work done, bottom line. Another person - my husband - whom I will be married to for nine years in August! He wanted me to spend time with him last night, but I told him I was going home to go to bed (we are still separated, but see each other almost everyday). He didn't understand me when I said I was dealing with some disabling MS fatigue. Oh well, those are the breaks I guess. I will say although, that one of my coworkers. Actually, our office manager, gets it. She and I had an email conversation where she would tell people at one time that she was so tired and it was because she had an iron defiencency and they would tell her the same thing, that they were tired too. People are insensitive sometimes. Go suck on a lemon very hard, I say!