I AM STILL HERE

IT IS MONDAY ONCE AGAIN. I HAVE DECIDED TO STOP DREADING MONDAY AS BAD AS I DO AND TO START APPRECIATING EACH NEW DAY. TODAY STARTED OFF KIND OF ROUGH FOR ME. FIRST, I HAD A HARD TIME GETTING OUT OF BED. I WENT TO BED FAIRLY EARLY AND I THINK THAT WAS THE PROBLEM. YOU KNOW HOW IT IS SAID YOU CAN GET TOO MUCH SLEEP. WELL, I THINK I DID. I WAS UP IN TIME TO MAKE IT TO WORK EXCEPTIONALLY EARLY, BUT WASN'T ABLE TO. I MADE IT LIKE 12 MINUTES EARLY, BUT THAT IS NOT WHAT I WAS GOING FOR. ONCE I GET TO WORK, THINGS THAT OTHERS DO STARTED TO FRUSTRATE ME. DURING MY LUNCH HOUR I GOT INTO AN ARGUMENT, RAN LATE COMING BACK AND AM JUST STILL WOE IS ME RIGHT NOW. GUESS WHAT THO? BECAUSE OF MY NEW OUTLOOK ON SIMPLY "BEING HERE," I WEAR A SMILE ON MY FACE. INTERESTED IN FINDING OUT WHAT THE NEXT MINUTE IS GOING TO BE LIKE. IT CAN'T BE ALL THAT BAD. I AM STILL HERE SO I KEEP ON KEEPING ON WITH A SMILE ON MY FACE AND A SKIP IN MY STEP. GOD IS TOO GOOD FOR ME TO BE STRESSED, MISERABLE AND UNHAPPY IN ANY WAY. I LOVE THE LORD AND HE LOVES ME. THAT IS ALL I NEED. HAVE A GREAT DAY!!! I WILL IF I HAVE TO FORCE MYSELF TO DO SO :)!

THE SUN IS SHINING, BUT WHERE IS THE SUNLIGHT?

TODAY IS A WOE IS ME DAY. I WANT TO BLAME IT ON MS SIMPLY BECAUSE I AM TRYING MY BEST TO GET OUT OF THIS ZONE. I AM FORCING A SMILE, THINKING HAPPY THOUGHTS AND LIFE IS GENERALLY PRETTY GOOD. MY BRAIN IS TELLING ME TO WORRY ABOUT SOMETHING AND I CAN'T SO I WORRY ABOUT NOT BEING ABLE TO KNOW WHAT IT IS I SHOULD BE WORRYING ABOUT. I KNOW MS MEDICATION CAN CAUSE SUICIDAL THOUGHTS, BUT I HAVEN'T TAKEN MY MEDICINE IN SOME TIME NOW FOR DIFFERENT REASONS. SO I CAN'T BLAME IT ON THAT. MY THOUGHTS AREN'T SUICIDAL ANYWAY. THEY ARE JUST WOE IS ME - WHAT TO DO NOW. YOU KNOW KIND OF LIKE EEYORE, FROM WINNIE THE POOH.

MY WEEKEND WAS PRETTY GOOD. I WAS ABLE TO GET SOME MUCH NEEDED REST. ON FRIDAY AND THEN AGAIN ON SUNDAY. IT SEEMS THAT I HAVE DEVELOPED THIS HABIT OF BEING BUSY DOING NOTHING. VISITING WITH MY DAD IS SOMETHING, BUT ALL OF MY OTHER TIME JUST SEEMS TO FLY AWAY EVER SO QUICKLY. I HAVE TO ORGANIZE MY FREE TIME DOING SOMETHING CONSTRUCTIVE AND MAKE A HABIT TO KEEP IT THAT WAY.

THE RECEPTIONIST HERE AT WORK IS OUT TODAY SO I AM COVERING THE PHONES AT HER DESK. BAH HUMBUG. I WOULD RATHER GIVE MY LEFT PINKY TOE THAN TO DO THAT. IT'S ONLY FOR TODAY SO IT SHOULDN'T BE A PROBLEM. I HAVE FOUR AND HALF SICK DAYS LEFT AND I HAVE TO BE CAREFUL NOT TO GET SICK OF NOTHING, LOL. WE ARE OFF NEXT MONDAY, FOR THE 4TH OF JULY HOLIDAY AND I LOOK FORWARD TO THAT. I AM GOING TO SPEND MOST OF IT WITH MY DAD, BUT SOME OF IT ON MYSELF TOO. I NEED TO STAY LATE AFTER WORK TONIGHT BECAUSE WHENEVER I DO THE PHONES, IT THROWS ME BEHIND ON MY ACTUAL WORK, BUT I WILL NEVER COMPLAIN OUTWARDLY ABOUT. JUST HERE OR IN WRITING IN ONE OF MY JOURNALS. NO NEED TO COMPLAIN - JUST DO IT. AT LEAST THE NEWEST RECEPTIONIST IS NOTHING LIKE THE OLD ONE OR I PROBABLY WOULD HAVE PULLED MY HAIR OUT BY NOW. THE OTHER GIRLS DON'T MIND PLAYING RECEPTIONIST WHEN SHE IS OUT, BUT IT'S JUST TOO MUCH DRAMA AROUND IT SO I DO IT. IT IS EASIER THAT WAY.

I HAVE TO RETURN TO SCHOOL. MY HEART HAS ALWAYS BEEN IN SPECIAL EDUCATION. IT USED TO ANGER ME IN HIGH SCHOOL WHEN SOME OF MY "FRIENDS - I WOULD CALL THEM - WOULD GET UP EARLY JUST LIKE ME TO HEAD OUT TO SCHOOL AND GET THERE TO RAKE LEAVES WHILE I LEARNED. I WANT TO EITHER PURSUE THAT OR EITHER SOMETHING IN THE COUNSELING AREA. I LOVE MY CURRENT JOB AND THE PEOPLE HERE TOO, IT'S JUST NOT FULFILLING MY LIFE'S PURPOSE. WE WILL SEE WHERE THAT ROAD TAKES ME.

WELL, THESE ARE JUST SOME THOUGHTS I PONDER TODAY! WOE IS ME WILL SOON BE OVER OR AT LEAST I HOPE!