Fatigue!!!

GOOD MORNING! IT IS FRIDAY AND THE WEEKEND IS UPON US. I DON'T HAVE MANY MAJOR PLANS, BUT I DO PLAN TO RELAX AND LAY LOW AS MUCH AS I CAN. MICHAEL'S SISTER IS HAVING A GOING AWAY CELEBRATION AT ONE OF THE LOCAL PARKS SO HE AND I WILL ATTEND THAT ON SATURDAY, BUT THAT IS ABOUT AS MUCH AS I AM GOING TO DO. I WILL VISIT WITH MY DAD OF COURSE AND I WOULD LIKE TO GO UP AGAIN TOMORROW TO VISIT MAMA, BUT I AM NOT SURE YET ABOUT THAT. IT DEPENDS ON HOW I FEEL FOR THE MOST PART I GUESS.



HOME LIFE WAS QUIET LAST NIGHT. WE ALL CAME BACK TO THE APARTMENT AND I WENT STRAIGHT TO BED. I DIDN'T REALIZE IT, BUT I WAS EXHAUSTED. I WAS ON A CALL YESTERDAY HERE AT WORK WITH AN INSURANCE REP. THE CALL WAS ABOUT 30 MINUTES LONG. WHEN WE WERE DONE, SHE SAID "HONEY, YOU MAKE SURE YOU GET SOME REST THIS WEEKEND." I TOLD HER I WOULD, BUT ASKED HER WHY SHE THOUGHT I NEEDED SOME. SHE SAID I CAN HEAR HOW TIRED YOU ARE IN YOUR VOICE. THAT SUPRISED ME BECAUSE I FELT FINE, BUT AS SOON AS SHE SAID IT AND AS SOON AS I HUNG UP THE PHONE WITH HER, IT SEEMS LIKE THE HEAVIEST WEIGHT FELL UPON ME. I WAS SO TIRED THAT THE REST OF MY DAY WAS IMPACTED BY IT. SO MUCH SO THAT WHEN I WALKED IN THE DOOR OF THE APARTMENT, I FLOATED OFF TO BED AND DID NOT GET BACK UP UNTIL THIS MORNING AT THE SOUND OF THE ALARM. I AM TIRED, JUST PLAIN OLD TIRED. IS IT MULTIPLE SCLEROSIS THAT IS CAUSING ALL OF THIS TIREDNESS, PERHAPS, BUT I THINK A LOT OF IT COMES FROM MY MENTAL STATE OF THE LAST COUPLE OF WEEKS. IT COMES FROM A LOT OF THINKING. I HAVE DECIDED TO TAKE WEBSTER'S ADVICE AND DO NOTHING FOR A WHILE. IT MAY BE A LITTLE LATE WHEN IT COMES TO MY HUSBAND AND MICHAEL COMING TO LIVE WITH ME, BUT THE THINGS THAT I HAVE CHANGED ABOUT MYSELF WILL NOT CHANGE WITH THEM BEING THERE. HE HAS BEEN APPROVED FOR YET ANOTHER HOME LOAN AND WANTS ME TO GO LOOK AT HOUSES WITH ME. THOSE THAT ARE CLOSEST TO ME KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT HOME OWNERSHIP. IT IS VERY IMPORTANT TO ME AND THIS WOULD BE TIME TO GET THE CAR GASED UP TO GO LOOKING, BUT I JUST DON'T FEEL INTO IT. I DON'T KNOW IF IT IS BECAUSE OF THE HEAT AND ALL THAT IT ENTAILS FINDING A GREAT HOME, THE MEANING OF JOINING HIM IN HOUSEHOOD AGAIN, OR THE LOSS OF MY "FREEDOM." ALSO THERE IS MY DREAM OF BUILDING A HOME ON MY PARENT'S LAND. WHO KNOWS WHERE TOMORROW WILL TAKE US, BUT WE WILL SEE.

SIDENOTE - I RECEIVED AN EMAIL OF HOW MY BLOG MAY NOT BE UPLIFTING AND ENCOURAGING OTHERS. IT WAS ABOUT HOW BLOGS WERE TO INSPIRE AND GUIDE. I DON'T KNOW IF I HAVE PREVIOUSLY SAID THIS OR NOT. I AM DOING THIS FOR ME! RIGHT NOW IT IS FOR "ME" AND IS AN ONLINE JOURNAL OF "MY" THOUGHTS FOR "ME", THAT I AM HAPPY TO SHARE AND OPEN UP TO ANYONE WHO HAPPENS UPON IT. I AM SORRY THAT IT IS NOT AS DEEP OR PHILOSOPHICAL AS SHE WOULD HAVE LIKE, BUT IT IS FOR "ME" AND WHAT I CAN GAIN FROM IT. I NEED IT RIGHT TO BE WHAT IT IS RIGHT NOW FOR "ME". I PERHAPS WILL REACH A POINT WHERE I CAN UPLIFT AND INSPIRE OTHERS, BUT RIGHT NOW I NEED IT FOR ME. HERE IS THE WORD THAT I NOTICE I USE A LOT, BUT IF IT IS "SELFISH" OF ME, THEN I APOLOGIZE, BUT I NEED IT.