Breathe

Every time I say I'm going to write more often, I don't. So I vow to never say it again. I'll just try to do it as often as I can. A lot has happened since the last time I posted. I suffered a bad fall on November 15th. I broke my ankle because of it. It's better now thank God, but oh boy did I ever endure a tough time. I did find out that those things that we think are ever so important are not as important at all. My long held tradition of doing laundry on Saturday morning went out of the window when I couldn't wake before dawn on Saturday to do it, but the house did not crumble. That old saying about time healing wounds rings so true with me. A close friend of mine lost her father. In attending the funeral, it brought me back to a dark place of when my own dad passed. I'm getting ready to start a new career. Jesus took the wheel on this one because this is all on him. It doesn't seem like anything I would have ever done on my own. I don't know what the future holds, but I'm trusting this to be a good thing. I think I've learned to breathe a little more in the last few weeks. Things that used to bother me don't so much anymore. I'm creeping up on meditation. I'm reading about it and slowly, but surely plan to get into it. I suppose in some way or another I am already meditating. I'm enduring a relapse right now. It is getting better as I am about a week into it. I'm taking my Prednisone and treading along. I'm just thankful and happy to be here! Hope all is well with you where ever you may be right now!!!

Humbling Moments!!!

Over the past couple of weeks, there have been things that have popped up in my life that have made me oh so much more aware of how blessed I am. I sometimes get downtrodden when I think of my life and my losses. I miss my father so much. I used to be able to pick up the phone and call him. Just hearing his voice was enough to soothe my soul it seemed. The holidays are almost her and how I wish I could invite my mom out to lunch/dinner, go to a spa to be pampered and how I wish I was able to simply listen to her talk to me for hours on in.  I worry about what my future holds with MS. The things that I can not do as well anymore seem to be steadily increasing. My idea of my successful career was supposed to be so better than it is now. I was supposed to be a pharmacist or something lucrative, but now it all boils down to simple administrative work.
     But then!!!, I stopped my pity party and started to think you know what - you have a living mother whom you can spend time and talk to anytime you want, you were able to create wonderful memories with your father and he's not suffering anymore, you have life alone and you have a job. My life is no where near perfect nor is it what I planned for myself, but it is what the Lord had planned for me. Everything that I've experienced and gone through has been a building block to the wonderful me that I am. I am humbled because of the way these simple things are in my life right now at this exact monent! Thank You Lord!

It's Fine!

I know you're going to think I'm a bit loony, but this past weekend I came to a huge revelation. All day Saturday I really buckled down and got done things that needed to and a few that didn't. I was proud of myself. I even got up early and went to the YMCA where I had a good workout for my normal. On Sunday I was ready to start part 2 of the big to do about everything around the house. Well, guess what! I realized, it didn't really matter!!! That was huge. Overall our home was clean and peaceful, food was cooked and all was fine.I realized that what hadn't been done would either be there when I got back to it or some of my other family members would take care of it. So on Sunday, I jumped in bed and watched old DVRed recordings. When I was done with that, I went to Netflix and I capped my day off by reading some Deepak Chopra!!! I don't think I've ever had as relaxing a Sunday as I did yesterday. As I got ready for work this morning, I realized that all was fine!!!

Whirlwinds!!!

 It's my favorite time of year, but I've yet the opportunity to sit outside, drink a cup of coffee and take in all the beauty. I haven't even had time to go home and see my mom and brother and really get to take a break from my fast lane life. I love to read, but I think in the last month, I've only completed one book and it was short. I have some organizing that has been a goal of mine for months now that is still unorganized. I just can't seem to get things done.

What is it exactly that I've been doing to occupy my time so? A whole lot of absolute nothing. It's like I lose hours doing that very well. When time elaspes and I look at the clock, I am bewildered. I just can not believe I spent three hours just sitting. I wasn't deep in meditation or thinking any kind of grand thoughts. I just was sort of out of it. I most often find myself like that when I get home from work. I make it in the house around 5:15. The next thing I know it's 7 or 8! I must admit in that time of being lost, I manage to pop out a meal, straighten up a little or some over simple task, but I used to get so much more important to me stuff done. Now there's no other way to put it, I'm just lost! I guess I describe the being lost feeling as simply not aware of things. It's like I'm in an area of thoughtlessness (is that a word?). I know routines will sometimes get a person out of sync, but it is not like that. It's hard to explain.

I just look forward to getting out of this area. I have started writing down a list of daily goals that I want to accoumplish to help me do that. I also have ended my relationship with Directv as I've found tv to suck up time too.We'll see how it goes for a couple of weeks and if I will be able to relinquish my dvr. We'll see!!!

Just Say No - To stress

I've always been the type to see good in all people. My husband tells me of how he wishes I didn't see the good always - how he wishes I could just get and stay mad at a person. I think we all, despite how bad  we may or may not be, have good in us.

This way of thinking helps me in all of my relationships I think. My husband has won many arguments just because I had no desire to argue nor a desire to win them. Others have called themselves victorious also. I learned years ago, even before my diagnosis, about what stress can do to a person with MS. I can't control many things, but I can control what stresses me.

I do get upset and bothered at times. Those are the times I draw closer to God. I think of the oh so many times he could have gotten angry at me, washed his hands with me. and just thrown me away. If he can do it, then so can I. The next time you see troubled - Just Say No!!!

She lives!

       Good morning everyone! I am alive and doing well. There's been a whole lot going on in the last few months. I said I'd better get back to blogging in search of some much needed sanity. It provided such a great relief for me. How could I be gone so long. It was sometime in April that I last posted anything? Anyway, I am back now. I've had some ups and downs with my health over the last few months. I'm up now and thankful to God for that. I'm still working. My family welcomed the addition of a sweet little girl who's guardian died of cancer. We've endured losing her to her biological mom who is a crack addict and only looking to receive the benefit from Social Security that the little girl was receiving. DSS is working to get her back to our home. This process has definitely taught me something about time. I used to complain about not having enough time. I learned that we make time for things that are important to us. That revelation has enabled me to look at things differently. I'm glad to be back and sorry for the long delay.

Wow! This is supposed to be slow paced?

That was my question as I left my first workout class on Monday. I decided it was time for me to pump up my workout at the YMCA. I decided I was going to start going to classes. Ummm - Not a very good idea at all. I decided on a class called "Body Sculpt." I got to class about 15 minutes early so that I could speak to the trainer and see if in fact that class would be okay for me. Well, someone else had the same idea about getting their early for questions as I did and she was actually earlier than me. Well, I spoke with the assistant trainer. I could tell that he didn't even know what MS was, but looked at my physical body and said sure you can handle it. He said it was a beginner class and I would do just fine. Thirty minutes into the class I decided to walk out. It was just too much for me and I am actually still paying for it today. Lesson learned - Grab a seat, sit down and watch the class before I decide to join in. Total catastrophe Monday. It even dampened my spirits a little not to be able to get through a beginner's class, but oh well! I'm checking the calendar and see that they have a yoga class. Perhaps that will be more my speed!!!