Finally Able to Relax

Good morning! It is Friday. The weekend is here. I had a good week, thankfully. I was very busy. I now know for sure when I start my part time job. I am excited about going back to that infamous job. It has been a while. There are people there that I haven't seen in a while so it should be good. I do think a little about the effect of working another four hours a day on top of my normal eight will have on me. I think it will be okay because it is just sitting down on and talking on the phone. I don't talk that much on the telephone at home and home is a more relaxed setting, but it is not like I am lifting heavy blocks for four hours straight. The good thing about this job is that it is very flexible. Sometimes too flexible, but I am positive all in all.

The temperatures or slowly declining here in SC and I want to do a little dance every time I hear the weather report now. I simply can't tolerate the heat. Thinking back on my childhood, my heat tolerance went out the window at about the age of 10 or 11. Before then, I could stay in it all day and play extemely hard while in it, but I remember that all changed at around 10ish.

My days are way less stressful these days. I of course am thankful for that as well. One of my favorite quotes is the one about doing something different to get something new. I am applying it to my daily life in small steps. I am truly a work in progress! My husband and stepson are engaging in activities that weeks ago would have me headed into a relapse head on from the stress of worrying and trying to control the situations, but I realize now that my life is not about what they do. I can only control my own actions. Both of them are very intelligent men (man and young man I should say), they know what they are doing and they just have to deal with the consequences of their actions in the event that there are some. Thankfully, they are not doing anything illegal I must say.

I head toward my weekend reading The South Beach Diet again and thinking about giving two weeks of my sugar filled life up to start a positive change. I have a lot going on in this head of mines that I purposely want going on right now, lol. Sometimes since MS, I don't control what's going on, but today, right now - I do!!! My plan is to just chill and relax for a minute.

A Better Day

I woke up a little tired today. I was in bed earlier this morning pondering about the things I have to do today and a flood of worries overcame me before I even put feet on the floor. I just prayed and asked God to be with me as I go on my journey's way and immediately felt peace. I am getting older. I approach my 33rd birthday in a matter of days and I actually feel like an adult now. It is like all the things that have caused the numerous grays to flood my head were so petty. I mean over the course of my life, I have worried myself sick about things. But God. That is all I needed at the time and even now, I realize what He has done. I know things will come along in my life that just seem to have no answer. I realize although that we serve a good God and He has all power in His hands. I will be okay, you will be okay and we all will be okay. With that being said, I think what do I have to worry about. I need to do what I can do and not worry about any of the rest. All things work together for the good of those who love the Lord, right?

Doing Just Fine

Today is Tuesday and all is pretty good from where I sit. I am glad that it is finally cooling down here. Before too long, it is going to be cold, but that's okay. I have quite a few coats in the closet. Not a lot to report. I am going to the library when I get off work and a close friend is coming by to drop her husband's tax papers off so I can complete them for him. I will go to the hospital later this evening so I will put something in the crock pot too when I get home, which means I have to go to the grocery store first. My life is pretty simple. I have some issues which I am in prayer over and I am trusting that they will all work out. They always do. I look back at some of the hurricanes I have had in my life and they now look like simple rainy days. When you get out the storm, it is always better than when you are right dead smack in the middle of it. Of course! Not a lot going on and that is just the way I plan to give it. The library here is having a week of forgiveness forgiving all fines. Wow, what a blessing to people who have stopped reading due to heavy fines imposed by returning items late and not having enough money to buy themselves that book they wanted to read. I have the books in my car on the front passenger seat that I intend to donate as they are accepting new ones. I am excited about my afternoon of. Hope all goes well. I have decided to go back to USC. I also have decided to stick with my old college and sometimes in my adult life job for the part time gig. I will get started back there next month. Have a great day as I am making a conscious effort to do so!

Progress

Wow, where did this week go. I am going to buy a 2011 calendar soon and make a note in it in the month of March and April that once July comes in, the months start to hightailing it right out of the year. I declare, July is just a blur when I think of it.

The pursuit of a program at a couple of different schools has been quite eye opening. I have stopped the search for now and have made a conscious effort to really think of what I need to be doing. I have had jobs to pay bills, but I feel the need to follow my life's purpose at this point. We will see how that goes and by Monday I hope to have a more chosen pursuit when it comes to schools and programs. USC has never failed me and my heart is with my alma mater, but I just don't know.

I have been looking for jobs as I said I would and I have gotten calls back, thankfully. The problem has been that trainings take place during the hours of my full time job. That is not good. I can't tell the office manager here that I won't be in for the next two weeks because I will be training from 8 to 4 or 9 to 5 on my new job. That is not good. I think I may stick with my old trusty stand by from college and just make some money from there. The freelance typing job didn't pan out because of the color of my skin. I was kind of disappointed, but thankful that the lady was honest with me. Some people just don't get it when it comes to race.

My home life dealt a blow earlier in the week, but my newfound focus on me enabled me to keep moving with little disturbance. Thank God!

As we fastly approach the weekend, I say thank you Lord for letting this week be a good one in every way!!!

I Feel Good

Good morning! It is a fabulous Tuesday and I feel pretty good. I was able to do my research yesterday on several different schools. I was also able to get my resume submitted for a couple of part time jobs. Hopefully, I will start to hear from them. My coworker just informed me of a job for a freelance typist. That would be wonderful because I could do that from home. On the school front, I have to get real with myself and decide what area I want to go in. I already have two degrees and I don't want to add another one without careful consideration. I have a few more hours left on the completion of my master's in cousenling, but the school that I was attending brought questions of the quality of the education I was receiving so I withdrew. A few months after withdrawing, one of the professors (one of my professors) was caught in yet another child molestation case. He had charges in another state before moving to our state and starting to teach! Wow!!! That told me the school didn't do a thorough background check. I don't know if I want to take those credits to another school's cousenling/social work program or not. These are just some thoughts that I am pondering. One of my favorite quotes has always been the one about if you want something new, you have to do something different.

Life Choices

Here it is Monday again. I am contemplating things that I can do to make my life better. I wonder about a lot of things, but the most important things center around family. I worry and care about my mom, dad, brother, husband, son, and inlaws as well as my other relatives. I also worry about what my own personal future holds. I guess I shouldn't use the word word - so I will say care. There has got to be a better way and this week I began another new quest. A quest to get me there - wherever there is! I just know that there is so much to my life than what I am giving so I am going to seek inwardly to find that place and develop it for myself.

The question is how can I make life better for me and therefore for them.

This week I will pursue -

1. Further education
2. Part time job or volunteer opportunities
3. Physical fitness

I could go on with more, but I think it best to start with those 3. I hope this blog serves as a reminder to focus on and finish those areas to completion with plans. We will see what they force me to do.

Today when I get home, I will begin my search online for the education, work and volunteer aspect of this all. Physical fitness actually began this morning as I walked around the track at the high school across the street from my complex.

Let's see what tomorrow brings!!!

Finally Able to Relax!!!

Well, it is Saturday and I was up early again this morning. It wasn't the same 3 o'clock in the morning early, but it was 7 o'clock. I stayed in bed until 8. I refused to get up even to go to the bathroom at 20 minutes til. I enjoyed being there. I purchased new pillows a couple of weeks ago and I made it my purpose to feel them beneath my head. I did. I had fresh sheets on the bed from the morning I couldn't sleep a couple of weeks ago. It was nice to just be there in my bed. I did all the things that were on my list early and I am back home now. I think I will troop back to the hospital later to see my dad. Michael, his dad and I will have dinner after that, but I am glad for this Saturday as I am glad for every day of the week. I had to break down and get another car. I am enjoying it. It is a little sports car and I am enjoying. Have I hit my midlife crisis at 32 - doubtfully so. It was a really good deal, by a maker that I have grown to trust. I deserve it I say. I work hard and I hardly play so I figure on my way to work I should be able to play right :)! I am at a good spot in my life and I thank God for the good and the bad. I am happy right now, just the way I am!!!

Sleep Deprivation

I went to bed early again last night because I was rather tired. I actually was in bed right after 9 I think it was. Well, I slept like a big old baby all night. I woke up about 12:30 and I was laying at the foot of the bed. I don't know how that happened, lol. I then woke up again at 2:30 and have not been back to sleep yet. I have had a lot of life type stuff on my mind here lately so I just worshipped a little while, right where I was. I then read the Bible, cleaned my place, read a nonfiction book that I am reading. It was very good. Now I am about dead - tired. Thankfully tomorrow is Friday. I think tonight I will pick something up for my dinner even though I have some food in the fridge marinating. I don't know I will have to think of that on the ride home - hmmmm to order take out or cook in. I am tired, but the oven can do all the work in honesty. I don't know. I look forward to the weekend. I plan to read some more and rest a little if I can. I wish I could afford to take Monday off, but we will see how that goes.

THE LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL!

TODAY IS TUESDAY AND TOMORROW IS WEDNESDAY. WOO HOO! ALMOST TO THE MIDWEEK! I SOMETIMES FEEL LIKE I AM RUSHING MY LIFE AWAY AS THEY SAY BECAUSE I HAVE STARTED TO LIVE FOR THE WEEKEND. I DO ENJOY EVERYDAY LIVING, BUT I OH SO ENJOY THE WEEKEND. I ENJOY IT EVEN IF I AM NOT DOING ANYTHING.
I FEEL PRETTY GOOD TODAY. I HAVE STARTED TO EAT BREAKFAST EVERY MORNING NOT JUST SOME MORNINGS. I AM NOT AS HUNGRY WHEN LUNCH TIME COMES SO THAT IS HELPING I AM SURE. I HAVE HEARD FOR YEARS THE IMPORTANCE OF EATING THREE MEALS A DAY. I AM SITTING UPSTAIRS TODAY AS ONE OF MY COWORKERS IS ON VACATION AND I GET TO SEE EVERYTHING WITH MORE CLARITY THAN FROM WHERE I AM NORMALLY. IT IS A BEAUTIFUL DAY SO HOW CAN I NOT BE THANKFUL JUST TO BE HERE (ALIVE) TO ENJOY IT. GOD IS GOOD AND HE LOVES ME! THAT'S ENOUGH!

ON THE MARRIAGE/LOVE LIFE FRONT - EVERYTHING IS GOING WELL AND I AM THANKFUL FOR THE DECISIONS I MADE. MY HUSBAND AND I ARE FRIENDLY ENOUGH TO DISCUSS THINGS CONCERNING MICHAEL AND FAMILY, BUT OTHER THAN THAT, WE KNOW WHERE WE STAND.
I AM OKAY RIGHT NOW. I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OR ANYTHING WORTH COMPLAINING ABOUT, BECAUSE ALL OF MY ISSUES LIE IN MY FATHER'S HANDS.

It used to be oh so simple

Good morning! I am in a sort of tizzy of emotions today. Michael is at his maternal grandmother's and it made things easier for me to do what I am about to type that I did. I had "the talk" with Tony this morning and I told him it was over.

It hurt to do it then and it hurts to even think about the fact that I did it. It took him by suprise as he said he thought everything was alright. I feel just terrible as I saw the 1. Disbelief (he didn't see it coming) 2. Confusion and 3. Hurt in him. We were supposedly back on track and things were working out for the best, but I just couldn't do it. It was hard and I could tell that the stress of making it work was beginning to effect my health. I made sure to have a wonderful LAST night with him and we did, but inside I knew that it had to be the last night. I am hurt because 1. I feel like someone has just died and I killed them (I guess someone has - the couple that we made), 2 I hate hurting others (I would rather just endure most times than to hurt someone) and 3. My life with Michael has to change if not forever at least for a little while so that I can make this happen. Whew - what will today and the days hereafter bring?

She Say She Tired Boss!

I woke up fairly early this morning. I was ready to take on the world, but before I knew it, I was back asleep. Wow! What happened? I went to bed around 10ish. I woke up around 5ish and was like I said back asleep within minutes. Typically, I get up and plunder in stuff making myself feel that I have accomplished something before work. Well, today it didn't happen. As a matter of fact, I was almost late leaving the house. I am just plum tired and it comes with the territory. I almost turned around and called in to work to use a sick day all to go back home. I made it, but boy oh boy. My bed is calling my name. The fact that a spider was sitting on my bed kind of takes away the thrill of using a half day to head back home. It has been gotten rid of, but still. Just hope the strength comes from up high to get me through the rest of the week and hopefully to a relaxing weekend. Sidenote - What can I do to get rid of the never ending spider population at my place?

More money, more problems

It is Monday morning again. I am doing fairly well. It was a little hard to get up this morning, but I am here. I actually did like a little kid today. I got up and sat on the side of the bed and laid the upper portion of my body back down. It felt good for all three minutes that I laid there. It is a cloudy day here and on my way in to work, it was misting rain a little. I am here and that's enough, lol!

My weekend was fairly quiet. Not a whole lot of anything happened. My aunt and my cousin from back home came down. There were a lot of laughs. There wasn't a whole lot of anything else. I put a relaxer in my hair - MYSELF! I was tird of dishing out $50 to $60 for someone else to do. I took my time and it came out pretty well. I was extra careful with it. I remember in high school, I used to do my own all the time. It was like when I went away to college maybe my junior year, I stopped. Why? I can't tell you. I am happy with the way it looks this morning. It turned out pretty well.

I think what started me to going to the salon on a more regular basis was my thinking that it wasn't good enough the way I did it at home. That I needed to get it done in a salon and moreover that I deserved it. What? Back when I was in college a touch up relaxer and a style ran $35 so you would think I deserved to save a little money moreso than to go to the salon. I did a fairly wonderful job of it at home. Now I could have gone in for the hair cut and for some fabulous style for a fabulous event, but not every two weeks as I had become accustomed to.

I think with more money, one spends more money honestly. I mean I heard this from a lot of people and actually have read it in several different places over the years -"When you make more, it takes more." I hold it to be true. It seems like when ever my pay has increased, my lifestyle has also. I am a pretty simple girl who truly understands the value of a dollar. When I was in high shool, I had a job at the age of 14 and my parents gave me money to get the necessities of life, yet I went from needing a little to needing more. I don't know what it is about our culture that makes us need more. I am approaching my 33rd birthday and my theme this year is to save half of what I make. Is it possible. I believe so. We will see how this theme works, but I assure you there will be no trips, extravagant meals out, or some of the other nice luxuries I enjoy. With that being said, I had better start thinking on a nice trip right before my birthday and splurge one last time at Bath & Body Works for a while!