It hurt to do it then and it hurts to even think about the fact that I did it. It took him by suprise as he said he thought everything was alright. I feel just terrible as I saw the 1. Disbelief (he didn't see it coming) 2. Confusion and 3. Hurt in him. We were supposedly back on track and things were working out for the best, but I just couldn't do it. It was hard and I could tell that the stress of making it work was beginning to effect my health. I made sure to have a wonderful LAST night with him and we did, but inside I knew that it had to be the last night. I am hurt because 1. I feel like someone has just died and I killed them (I guess someone has - the couple that we made), 2 I hate hurting others (I would rather just endure most times than to hurt someone) and 3. My life with Michael has to change if not forever at least for a little while so that I can make this happen. Whew - what will today and the days hereafter bring?
Tammy, I am sorry it came to this so soon, but then, maybe it's been coming for a long time and you just reached that point; after all, you did move out! When a relationship comes apart, and one person is burnt out from trying to make it work, and the other is clueless that it is not working, there is definitely something wrong.
ReplyDeleteI hear that you are feeling guilty for his pain. From other couples I've known who have been through it, they say it does get easier. I hope you have close friends or a minister you can talk to about this, as it is not something that can be fixed or helped by a non-professional stranger.
Oh, I don't do the friends connect with anyone, by the way, just so you know. :-)
Thank you oh so much Webster for hearing what I have had to say. My relationship with my husband is one that I will never fully be able to explain or understand. I don't feel that I have done a well enough job at it thus far, but don't know how to do it better. He is a good man and I know that. We just have issues that we needed to either work through or not work through and let go. I did just reach that point the other day and I think I was looking for ways around "that point" all the while. You know how sometimes we know what's good or what's bad for us, but we overlook it to fulfill another void in our life that is what I have been doing for years. I have a great relationship with my minister and he has honestly helped in a lot of ways to make us both understand and feel better about some things. I am a work in progress lady. I just think for the last couple of weeks, I have just been overwhelmed with life period, but now that I trust that I am headed in the right direction about several things in my life, I feel a whole lot (a hundred times) better, than I have previously so I think I am alright. Thank you for your words. With the absence of a close female network of friends they were just what I needed! Thank you! Who says professional help is the best help anyway, lol?
ReplyDeleteI was hoping Friend Connect would send an email, but it did something different, lol. Shows how much I know.
ReplyDelete