Ramblings

TODAY IS WEDNESDAY AND OF COURSE THAT MEANS TOMORROW IS THURSDAY. HUMP DAY AGAIN ALREADY. SOMETIMES IT SEEMS THAT THE DAYS AND WEEKS TAKE FOREVER TO PASS BY, BUT AT OTHER TIMES, LIKE NOW, IT GOES BY EVER SO FAST. IT IS ALREADY THE END OF JUNE. HALF OF 2010 IS ALREADY GONE ALMOST. I HAVE BEEN HAVING THOUGHTS OF SELF EMPOWERMENT FOR SO LONG AND WITH HALF OF THE YEAR GONE, THERE IS NO BETTER TIME THAN NOW TO START.
I LEARNED OF A FELLOW CLASSMATE WHO PASSED AND I HADNT HEARD MORE FROM SINCE GRADUATION. IT KIND OF BOTHERED ME THAT “JUST LIKE THAT” SHE WAS GONE. I KNOW THAT SHE MEANT A LOT T MANY PEOPLE, BUT I HAD NO MEMORIES OF HER FOR MORE THAN TEN YEARS. IT’S NOT THAT I WANT TO BE REMEMBERED AFTER MY DEATH, BUT IT WOULD BE NICE I SUPPOSE. I THINK IT JUST GOT ME TO THINKING ABOUT LIFE IN GENERAL. I MEAN WHY DO WE WAKE UP EVERYDAY? TO DO WHAT? OF COURSE WE HAVE JOBS TO GO TO AND WE HAVE MOUTHS TO FEED IF ONLY OUR OWN, BUT WHAT MORE IS THERE TO A DAY. I RECENTLY WAS TELLING STACY THAT THERE ARE 24 HOURS IN A DAY. ABOUT NINE ARE SPENT WITH THE INVOLVMENT OF WORK (GETTING DRESSED, DRIVING THERE AND WORKING). WELL, ABOUT TEN. THERE ARE 14 HOURS LEFT. OKAY OF THOSE 14, ABOUT AN AVERAGE OF SEVEN ARE NEEDED FOR SLEEP. OK THAT ONLY LEAVES 7 HOURS OF MY DAY THROUGH THE WEEK PER NIGHT. OKAY FOR ABOUT 3 HOURS I GO TO MY PART TIME JOB FROM 1996. THAT I THINK I HOLD ON TO FOR THE SAKE OF COMFORT.SOME COMFORT IT OFFERS ALTHOUGH, AS A LOT OF TIME IS SPENT NOT WORKING MORESO THAN WORKING . I DON’T THINK I AM EVEN GOING TO SUBTRACT THE HOURS AWAY FROM MY DAY WITH THEM AS THE TIMES THAT I AM THERE DON’T REALLY EVEN COUNT THEY ARE SO FAR AND FEW BETWEEN. AT LEAST TWO HOURS ARE SPENT WITH MY FATHER. WHEN THINKING ABOUT IT, THAT IS NOT ENOUGH TIME, BUT TO MY OWN CREDIT I WILL ADD THAT I DO SPEND MORE TIME WITH HIM ON THE WEEKENDS. I KNOW AT LEAST RIGHT NOW WHILE HE IS IN THE HOSPITAL I AM CONFINED BY THE RESTRAINTS OF THE HOSPITAL SCHEDULE. OKAY NOW THAT LEAVES ME WITH 5 HOURS OF WHICH I CAN DO ANYTHING I WANT. WELL, I MUST TELL YOU THAT I DON’T KNOW WHETHER I SHOULD BLAME THIS ON MS OR ON MYSELF. IT JUST SEEMS THAT I SPEND TIME BEING IDLE.WHILE ALONE WITH MY THOUGHTS, I NEED TO BE COMING UP WITH THE MASTER PLAN, BUT INSTEAD, I AM JUST THINKING EMPTY THOUGHTS I GUESS. I SPEND TOOOOO MUCH TIME BEING WORRIED ABOUT FOOD. WHAT AM I GOING TO EAT TODAY, TOMORROW NEXT WEEK. WE ARE TOLD IN THE BIBLE NOT TO WORRY ABOUT FOOD AS THE LITTLE BIRDS ARE FED SO WE WILL WE . I DON’T WORRY ABOUT WHAT IT IS THAT I AM GOING TO EAT, BUT MORE ABOUT WHAT I SHALL HAVE FOR THIS MEAL. WHEN I WAS LITTLE I REMEMBER MY MOM ASKING MY BROTHER AND I WHETHER WE ATE TO LIVE OR LIVED TO EAT. WE JOKINGLY SAID WE LIVED TO EAT. I AM A LOVER OF FOOD. MY PARENTS COOKED A FULL MEAL EVERY DAY. EVERYDAY - A MEAT, STARCH OR THREE, VEGETABLE AND GOOD OLD FASHIONED CORNBREAD. WITH THE SWEETEST KOOLAID IN THE STATE. WELL, DUTY CALLS. I'D BETTER CONTINUE THIS ONE LATER.